How long to wait to text a girl

I had written previous content back in 2017 on when/how to text girls. My answer at the time was “whenever/however the fuck you feel like it.” In this new, short clip, I elaborate a bit more and incorporate more evolved perspective.

As I’ve discussed repeatedly, the male is his most attractive when he is fully deregulated (i.e., 100% winging his interactions). This applies to texting the same way it does to cold approach, your actual dates, and when you have the girl in your bedroom. In other words, the male should never try to regulate his behavior in any way. The more you wing your interactions, the more attractive you are as a male.

When you’re texting a girl, don’t try to be purposely distancing or cold in order to come off as though you’re busy or less needy. Your true state of neediness vs non-neediness will permeate to the surface no matter what. If you try to, e.g., not text a girl for intervals of 3 days because you think that makes you seem less needy, your true state of neediness will shine through regardless.

It’s less about exact frequency/timing and more about the male just truly winging his interactions. The lower the approach volume of the male, the greater the tendency toward texting girls very soon after meeting them. If the male’s approach volume is high, he might not end up texting various girls for weeks to months after the fact.

However, once again, if your approach volume is low and you try to “fake” non-neediness in any way, your true state will permeate to the surface regardless.

If you want to be maximally attractive when texting girls, recognize that insofar as you are engaged in consistent, high-volume approach, the natural behaviors you manifest will be your most attractive.

If you are approaching 50+ girls a day, 4+ days a week, then you launching off a random string of four words to a girl at 2:37am while taking a dump is you at your most attractive.

You think I’m joking but I’m not. When I am engaged in consistent, high-volume approach, I feel very confident about my texting because I recognize that it truly doesn’t matter exactly when I text or what I say, because the mere fact that I’m approaching in high-volume means I am at my most attractive.

You can’t fake your level of non-neediness. If you want the most valuable answer as far as how/when to text girls, it genuinely is the case that your texting will be highly variable between girls and that the specifics don’t matter.

It’s not about calculating your timing and crafting the exact words you say; it’s about you maintaining high approach volume and then letting your behavior naturally play out as its most attractive.

Sometimes you’ll start texting girls soon after meeting them. Sometimes you won’t. Sometimes you’ll be more soup with your convos. Sometimes you’ll “beta text.” Do not attach rigid rules or self-guidelines to what is supposedly ideal via text. As I said, approach consistently and in high volume and let your natural attractive behaviors play out.

“But Michael, you preach about deregulation and maintaining approach volume so that I’m my most attractive, but can you give me at least some sort of idea about when I should text? Like how many days, etc. Just some idea.”

As I said back in 2017, I still believe the ideal time to text a girl is whenever you feel like it. And as far as what to say to her? The answer is: whatever you feel like it.

But if I’m forced to quantitate here, I would say, in general, between 3-14 days after meeting her is probably most ideal in terms of maximizing the chance she responds.

Once again, the answer is: text whenever you feel like it. But in general, I’d say that 3-14 days after meeting her is the goldilocks zone.

Most girls don’t want guys who are too eager. For every one girl you’ll theoretically lose because you’re not engaging her eagerly enough, you’ll lose 9 others for being too eager. And this isn’t about beta- versus soup-texting either. You can beta-text and still not come off overly eager. So although you should always wing it, yes, in general, wait at least 3 days before sending a first text to a girl.

The lower the volume of the male, the sooner he will find himself texting girls. If you don’t believe me, start approaching 50+ girls per day, 4+ days a week, and you will find that the contacts get lost in your phone and you’re not even thinking about texting them. In fact, your primary focus will just be instadates and you won’t give a fuck about contacts whatsoever.

My main issue is actually texting girls too late. My volume is high and I will often see the taglines of girls I met, e.g., 3-6 weeks ago and think to myself about how I’m being inefficient and have fucked up for not texting them sooner.

I used to think it didn’t matter if the male texts girls many months later. I’ve had various data points where I’ve sent a first text, e.g., 4 months later, and the girl goes on to meet up and hook up. But I will say that it actually is not ideal to text a girl too long after meeting her. If you wait longer than two weeks to send a first text, the probability of receiving a response starts to decline.

Once again, you can text a girl 5 months later and she could respond and meet up with you. Those stories are always nice to have. But the reality is 3-14 days is the goldilocks zone. After about two weeks, you’ll somewhat subjectively notice you’ll get fractionally fewer responses.

And I say this through experience. Guys who were in the WhatsApp group back in 2019 might remember that I had almost 600 girls in my phone whom I hadn’t texted yet. I now view that as *not* a good thing. My current self would say, “And you see that as good why? You should be in the habit of texting girls within 2 weeks of meeting them and then deleting them after 3-4ish days if they don’t respond.” In turn, if the number of un-messaged girls in my phone gets to around 200, I see that as an indicator that I need to launch off more texts and then delete.

As I’ve already discussed, however, as the male becomes more advanced and instadates more, he will naturally choose to forgo picking up as many contacts. But I preach these points nevertheless as valuable to keep in mind if you are in a high contact acquisition phase of your practitionership.

The “good news” about being inefficient texting girls for the first time is that so few agree to dates anyway that it really doesn’t fucking matter. Text them “ideally” all you want: the overwhelming majority will be negative-macro and won’t meet up.

“Michael, what about how long to wait before texting back between texts? Like, should I wait longer to respond compared to the amount of time she takes to get back to me?”

Once again, you need to maintain high approach volume and then just wing it. The effect of mirroring the timing of your texts with a girl will be spontaneous and highly variable. Be in the habit of not instantaneously responding to her and acting overly enthusiastic. If you’re worried that you are over-thinking the timing of your texts and feel regulated, my response is (you guessed it): approach in high volume and your most attractive and non-needy behaviors will naturally manifest.

If you really want to be in a headspace where you’re not thinking or caring about the timing of your texts, the only way to get there is to constantly be meeting new women. It’s only when the male’s approach volume drops and his neediness increases do thoughts such as “what is ideal?” start creeping into his mind.

However, the caveat is that deregulation is not a permission slip for coming off overly eager. You do not want to be writing long paragraphs via text. You should be keeping things simple and boring for the most part, regardless as to if you beta-text a girl.

If you’re concerned that my answer here might precipitate you feeling contrived – i.e., “But what if I feel unnatural not responding to her quickly and eagerly?” My response is: 1) Always be you and text whenever and whatever you feel like it; and 2) Don’t stop approaching. Just recognize that the more girls you say hi to, the less eager you will be with your texting – and the shorter your texts will become – as a natural, rather than contrived, behavioral manifestation.

If you’re concerned that my answer here might precipitate you feeling contrived – i.e., “But what if I feel unnatural not texting her quickly?” My response is: 1) Always be you and text whenever you feel like it, and 2) Don’t stop approaching. Just recognize that the more girls you say hi to, the less eager you will be with your texting as a natural, rather than contrived, behavioral manifestation.

Bottom line:

Text whenever and whatever the fuck you feel like it. Edge toward being more soup than non-soup, but always wing it. Beta-texting for experimentation purposes is not synonymous with writing long paragraphs and responding too eagerly.

Your convos will be highly variable in terms of frequency of texts and when you launch the first one. Insofar as you are approaching consistently and in high-volume, you will be your most attractive when texting girls.

It’s not about the exact timing of your texts and crafting what you say; it’s about maintaining high approach volume and then letting your natural behaviors manifest / play out as their most attractive.

If you try to fake your behavior, your true state of neediness vs non-neediness will permeate to the surface regardless.

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